Thursday, April 28, 2011

Offline



Love the fur;  also, he fills his spandex shorts beautifully!
  It's been a week of ups and downs, but for the most part, the ups won out.  The week started with me being on the receiving end of some verbal spousal abuse.  I'm accustomed to this sort of treatment (water off a duck's back!) but this time was different.... it was witnessed by the kids.  Throughout our marriage,  our arguments were properly conducted out of earshot of the kids.  When we got in the car to leave, my oldest commented, "Wow, that was unpleasant!"


This lead to an honest discussion about how that sort of incident had occurred frequently for at least the last 15 years.   I always try to provide a balanced view in my conversations with them.  I reminded them how tremendously difficult it would be for a wife to find out her husband is gay, especially after so many years if marriage.   I don't think that she will ever get over her anger towards me. 

By comparison, I feel freer and happier (most of the time) than I have in years. 
 As the weeks progress, I am finding the kids increasingly supportive and understanding of my position. They also have to deal with the same erratic behaviour as well, but to a much lesser extent. The kids also have a great sense of loyalty to their mother and work very hard to ensure that she is never alone.


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My town is quite remote, even by Canadian standards and I live in a rural area outside of town. As a result, internet service at my house is tempermental, to say the least. People living in further out than me can only get dial-up internet. Horrors!


The internet service to my neighbourhood failed yesterday and might not be restored until the middle of next week.  As a result, my commenting on blogs, browsing on Facebook and responding to e-mails will be limited.  It is not possible to do any of these things on the network at work.  For one thing, the majority of these sites are blocked or red flagged.  All computer activity can and is monitored and any viewing of online sexual material in our workplace can (as has) resulted in the firing of the person involved.  In any case, we are far too busy at work for browsing online.


I am uploading this post at my "inner city" public library; not a hardship since the library is one of my favourite places to be. In Canada, every public library has free internet service for anyone to use. Not to sound snobbish (because I'm not), but all of the other dozen or so internet users here at the library seem downtrodden in some way, either poor, unemployed or on social assistance and a bit smelly. No hotties here, that's for sure!!


This break reminds me of life before the internet. I'm old enough to remember an office environment where you wrote important memos by hand and had them typed on an electric typewriter by a secretary. The memo was then send off in the courier, to be received a week later at the head office. Faxes didn't exist.


It has been a revelation to discover how much time I was spending online. Now, I have more time to do other things such as reading, yardwork, organizing, cooking and D.I.Y. and gardening projects. My online time was spent on:


-internet banking, paying bills and shopping
-answering e-mails, particularly work-related ones
-e-mailing online friends
-blogging
-Facebooking with friends
-work taken home from the office
-entertainment
-* viewing gay porn and.. er.. um.. well you know ...other activites


* (Gosh, I miss this one a lot!   As I previously blogged, it was my viewing online gay porn which launched me on the road to accepting the fact that I was gay)


However, after only a few days, I already miss my connections with the many supportive online friends I have made in recent months. This is my new-found community of incredibly supportive and understanding gay guys (and one gal) of every possible stripe.  My online friends include those who are single or partnered, closeted or proudly out, married to a woman, married with kids, married to a man (those lucky Canadians!), separated or divorced, celibate or sexually active, guys who always knew they were gay and guys who didn't figure out until their 40s.

I cannot imagine how terribly isolated,  confused and afraid I would have been as a (formerly) closeted married gay man if I had never had the internet to meet my online friends and supporters.  I love you all!
The last naughty Spo-shirt pic:  the well has now officially run dry!

13 comments:

  1. The love goes both ways, Buddy. We love you too :-)

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  2. Take care of yourself during your internet exile.

    I trust things will get better with the wife. It may be water off the back, but don't fool yourself into thinking some of that doesn't soak in.

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  3. What a tease dude! Ah the days before the net - how did we survive - the world was the same as it was - we learn to adapt!

    As Cubby said - we love u too my friend!

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  4. that does it mister; where are the photos with the full frontals?
    Enough of the teasing !!!!

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  5. Back at 'ya stud!

    And I second Spo's comment - where's the beef?

    BTW, nice butt - very edible.

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  6. You've got great kids. You should be proud! And your wife will come around.
    Take care!

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  7. Sounds like your kids are more like young adults... and good people.

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  8. Cubby & SteveA: thank you!

    Mack: yes, I shouldn't be so glib about it. Yes, being yelled at affects me deeply (I've very sensitive) but I refuse to stew over it for long. In these exchanges, my best strategy is to remain calm and reassuring. It would be infinitely worse if both of us were out of control.

    D@vid, DeepBlue: Yes, the kids are smart, perceptive and remarkable people. I must add, both my wife and I are fantastic parents as well, each in our own way. I had the huge advantage of a loving, stable upbringing. My wife's upbringing was horribly dysfunctional; she's never really recovered from it.

    RG & Spo: You wish!! If I was to be perfectly honest, I fear my full frontal would be a disappointment.

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  9. anne marie in phillyApril 29, 2011 at 5:39 PM

    so sorry, honey, about your verbal bashing. but we all love you! and so do your kids!

    that final pix...jeebus, such a nice ass...I wanna pinch it and smack it! sexay! :-)

    perhaps your wife's verbal nasties are also part of the hurt she experienced growing up. I am a child of dysfunctional train wrecks, so I get it.

    and thanks for the shout-out (one gal), sweetie! smooches!

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  10. anne marie: Thanks! Yes... you nailed it My wife's behaviour is identical to that which she received during her her rotten childhood, She has never fully recovered. I was warned by her family (prior to our marriage) that a great deal of understanding and empathy would be needed.

    My wife is a fantastic, compassionate person with many good qualities who has been placed in a rotten situation. It broke my heart recently when she pointed out that we had had so many good times in our marriage.

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  11. Lots covered in this post. You really made the most of your time at the library. I'll just comment that I think the internet is an invaluable tool for helping connect people who otherwise would not have the opportunity to meet other gay men.

    I wish you continued luck with your ex-wife and hope that she can eventually get beyond her feelings of hurt.

    Cheers,
    BosGuy

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  12. Sometimes a person never comes around. Sometimes a person uses verbal abuse in an attempt to get a rise out of the otherwise rational and calm person. If they don't succeed, they are often more frustrated and lash out even more.

    As mentioned above, great kids, rational reactions and a steady move forward. Time doesn't always heal everything, but often makes looking back less painful.

    Yes, we're here.

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  13. Cajun: I'm absolutely sure my wife is well on her way to acceptance; it is her journey as well as my journey. About your second and third sentences: I know there were a some of those issues at play. I was always confident that after the "explosion" and a calming-down period, we would always have a rational discussion of the issue. We would always come to a mutual agreement in the end.

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