But being in denial and clueless about all matters gay, it would never have occurred to me that another guy had any sexual interest in me at all. I certainly had an appreciation for an attractive man. However, I never questioned this interest or let alone gave the slightest thought about what it signified about my sexuality.
One day in my early 30s, I was by myself at the community pool with my two kids, aged 3 and 1. I was wearing a black Speedo (a sign of my hidden gayness?). I told myself that I wore it because it gave freer leg movement for swimming, but none of the straight Dads would have been caught dead wearing one.
At that time, I had a perfectly flat stomach and was lightly furred. I wasn't heavily muscled but the muscles I had were well defined; I was very slim. I gave no thought at all about whether I was sexy or whether anyone else found me good looking. Completely non-reflective! Looking back as objectively as possible, I think quite a few gay guys would have found me attractive especially wearing that Speedo; a classic DILF.
I was sitting poolside ready to go home with the kids. A young man (mid 20s) walked by wearing a bright purple Speedo; we were the only two guys in the place wearing them. Mr. Purple Speedo was much cuter than the guy in the picture to the left; dark hair, a little bit of fur on his chest, a treasure trail and was just lightly muscled.... just a natural guy. (By the way, I don't find the guy in the picture the slightest bit attractive... too plastic and arrogant looking)
As he walked by, I checked out his package. (I was probably staring pretty blatantly... no subtlety there at all!) Gasp!! The outline of his circumcised cock head was clearly visible through the spandex, even more clearly than the one in the photo. Years later, I wonder if he had cut the front lining out .... his vpl was so obvious. Advertising?
As he walked by, to my discomfort, he locked eyes with me and flashed a beautiful smile and kept on walking. I thought... boy, he is friendly..... and I assumed he was smiling at my cute kids. I thought, but why would be a young man like that be interested in babies?
About 15 minutes later, the kids and I were heading out the front door. There was the Purple Speedo hottie sitting there in a chair by the door in tight jeans and bomber jacket in a slouched, open-crotched pose. I had an idea (which could have been wrong) that he was waiting for us. Again, he locked eyes with me as I hurried past with my snotty-nosed kids in tow.
For the first time I wondered, was he trying to attract my attention? What did he think I would have done with the kids even if I wanted to hook up?
This is just a trivial little story but it shows how much I have changed. If this incident happened today, I'm absolutely certain that I would be brave enough to pursue it; perhaps return the smile, say 'hello' and see what developed.
Blogger friends, don't worry, I'm not going to start running around trying to pick up guys! For one thing, I can never tell who is gay or not and I would never risk getting beat up. All I'm saying is that right, now, if some reasonably appealing, non-creepy guy locked eyes with me or smiled, I would do the same and maybe engage him in conversation. If this happened in a place where there was no doubt that the other guy was actually gay (such as in a gay bar or at a Pride parade), so much the better! I feel I owe it to myself, as part of my gay evolution.